Lyrics
Verse 1
I'm an alarmist, an alarmist through and through.
I run through town screaming loud 'bout nightmares coming true.
I shout all day 'bout terrorists, those commie pinko reds,
How they're gonna steal your guns... your socks, your shoes, your beds.
Every headline's one more omen, every rumor's carved in stone.
Scarin' folks is easy work when facts are left alone.
If I can't scare the daylight out of everybody I can find,
Well, how's a hard-workin' prophet gonna make another dime?
Chorus
I'm an alarmist—business has been good.
Fear's sellin' much better than I ever thought it could.
Keep 'em looking over fences, keep 'em picking different sides.
Keep 'em buying what I'm selling while the truth goes home and hides.
I'm an alarmist... don't rain on my parade.
If folks quit being frightened, I'd have to get a real job someday.
Verse 2
I cry out loud about the boogeymen, the ones we've never seen.
I talk about 'em day and night on every TV screen.
They used to be our brothers, our sisters and our friends,
Now they're all sleeper agents just waiting to move in.
Every stranger's got an accent, every neighbor's got a plot.
Everybody's guilty now of something they're just not.
The louder that I holler, the less you stop to think.
A little fear will flood the well before you stop to drink.
Verse 3
I've got great products just for you—got hats for all my tribe.
You can prove your loyalty with every little thing you buy.
Every crisis has a coupon, every outrage has a brand.
The end times make good business when you've got a marketing plan.
Bridge
Turns out fear's addictive.
You always need some more.
When yesterday's apocalypse don't sell,
You just invent one more.
Final Chorus
I'm an alarmist... business has been good.
Fear's sellin' much better than I ever thought it could.
Now excuse me, folks, I've got a show.
There's a brand-new threat you need to know.
Don't forget to like, subscribe, and send a little more dough.